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AGENT SCULLY: Unsung Feminist Role Model of the 90's

by Pam Benjamin

She always looked smart in chunky heels and shoulder pads. No one looked sexier behind plastic shields in scrubs. Her understated makeup gave a perfect frame for diatribes of proof packed deep science. None had rocked a pantsuit so hard since Murder She Wrote, so why wasn't FBI agent Dana Scully the most celebrated feminist role model during the 90's and beyond?

Her fashion alone was worthy of feminist praise. She never leaned her perky cleavage against the glass ceiling, letting those pert nipples press though her buttoned up silk blouses, or used short skirts to have her opinions and presence acknowledged within a male dominated workplace. She worked at the fucking FBI in the 1990's, breaking typical feminine stereotypes while surrounded and hounded by skeptical dudes in suits. Not using those tight calves and sweet ankles to draw attention to her smarty-pants words was so 3rd wave. Her style was undeniable; Scully made the pantsuit sexier than Angela Lansbury and Hill-dog combined, and did her own stunts in pleated front pants wielding a gun hidden in an ankle holster like a champ. She was more than a capable FBI agent/Doctor/Scientific expert/Super hot lady, so why wasn't the Scully Barbie more popular? (see picture)

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That red hair. Times are changing slowly, but the stigma against red-headed-soulless-demon spawn was too pervasive for Scully to overcome to be seen as a role model in the 90s. No matter how her shoulder-length bob was coiffed, no one could have a fire crotch leading young feminists into the next generation. They're dangerous and barely human, and she didn't even have freckles. Oh America, pat yourself on the back for growing into woke-ness about our ginger brethren and sister-en!

No one likes a know it all. Smart girls are dumb; no one wants a challenge. Scully was too outspokenly smart about science and stuff, and dudes don't like to feel dumb. Science, science, science, all she talked about was proof and science. Where was her imagination? Science fiction is a fun genre, and she could have dressed up like a StarWarsian alien for some funtime Cosplay with Agent Mulder. He wanted to believe. Agent Scully could have made him believe in love if she would have shut the fuck up and used her mouth like girls in the 90's were taught. Also, no one can understand you with that dick in your mouth, sweetheart. We just weren't ready for equality in the 90's unless it had it's soft chapsticked lips wrapped around our collective cocks.

Obviously superior intelligence aside, Scully was too damn contrary; can't you just agree with Mulder and make out already? The 90's taught ladies to shut up and settle down. Every time he spoke, she wouldn't believe. How could you not want to believe? Trust your man, honey; no one likes a skeptic. What's the point of living without a relationship? Scully couldn't possibly have been happy and successful in her career with medicine and the FBI without a hot piece of Mulder man meat in her bed, could she? 90's feminism was filtered through the male gaze, so little girls weren't seeing Scully's vastly fulfilling life, and instead were asking, "when is she going to fuck that guy?"

Ahead of her time, Agent Scully: feminist role model. All hail the red-headed-step-child-of-feminism.