System of Equations

As many of you know, math can be a very difficult subject for a great number of people. Yet it doesn’t need to be. Mad Math is a monthly article which will help you with mathematical problems you may encounter.

This month we’ll be dealing with a system of equations.

So you may find yourself in a situation where you need to know the value of two or even three objects at a time. This is a scenario in which you should use a system of equations.

In school you’re often taught about substitution, elimination, and of course WolframAlpha.com. However, there is a 4th and much easier way to solve these types of equations: The Tesseractian Constant, or TC for short!

What’s that, you may ask?

Well don’t.

Nobody knows. It’s a numerical constant from an alternate dimension that gives you prophetic visions of the future. Just slip it into your work and voila! You’re done!

Let’s examine the following set of equations:

x + y + z = 6

2x + 2y = 6

2z + 2y - 4x = 6

xyz = 6

We can of course solve this with the conventional means of substitution or elimination. Here I use substitution. Feel free to check my math!

OR WE CAN SOLVE WITH THE UNLIMITED POWER OF THE TESSERACTIAN CONSTANT!!!

Observe:

Step 1: Just slip the constant anywhere into your work!

Step 2: Chant

Chant the ugliest thoughts in your mind for around 13 seconds. One that works for me personally is chanting about my deepest desire to hurt other living beings. Something such as:

"Drink their unworthy blood

Drink their unworthy blood

Drink their unworthy blood

Drink their unworthy blood

Drink their unworthy blood

Drink their unworthy blood

Drink their unworthy blood

Drink their unworthy blood

Drink their unworthy blood

Drink their unworthy blood

Drink their unworthy blood

Drink their unworthy blood

Drink their unworthy blood

Drink their unworthy blood

Drink their unworthy blood

Drink their unworthy blood"

That usually does the trick for me.

Step 3: Prophet (Get it?)

Now just let the visions take you and feel the deep euphoria of the TC.

When you wake up, the solution will be written in blood somewhere in your workspace.

DISCLAIMER: Do this in a locked and isolated room! You don’t want to lose any more loved ones to the dark arts!

I hope you enjoyed this month’s Mad Math! Happy Solving!

Forever Watching,

-Madmatician



Madmatician grew up under the constant watch of the Tesseract. He was blessed with powers beyond the average human such as a superhuman mind, no need for human emotion, and advanced gas lighting skills. He lives happily in his lair with his cerberus, Cornelias, and a small harem of demon harpies.

---

Comedy Writer, Actor, & Ideator. Gamer since the age of 2. @KnaveryInk creator. @ColdTowne & @IUBloomington grad. jdhalbleib.com